Yo ass see, I be a simple college hustla livin ridin' solo up in a crib. I was straight-up enthusiastic bout tha release of Pokemon HeartGold/SoulSilver here up in tha states. I have purposely locked mah dirty ass outta all media n' tha Internizzle aside fo' school purposes. That means no 4chan, no /v/, no Bulbapedia, etc. As I was busy as a muthafucka wit tha school year n' bein skanky all up in tha time, I wasn't able ta loot SoulSilver on its launch date fo' realz. After mah school year ended, I ordered SoulSilver on Amazon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat it would take a week fo' it ta arrive. I decided dat durin dat time, I would replay mah Crystal version on mah Gameboy Color. But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat I realized dat long ago, mah momma threw it away cuz I holla'd at her tha save went dead, n' I was straight-up upset bout it then. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch also threw away mah Silver version, so all I have is mah Gameboy Color fo' realz. As such, I set up ta Gamestop n' looted a used Silver version, as itz tha only Pokemon game left dat they have fo' tha GBC. Ten dollars - fairly skanky. I went home n' started it up fo' a nostalgia trip. But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat thatz where thangs started gettin bizarre, n' most likely tha reason why you read all dis bullshit. Da Gamefreak logo started up as normal yo, but it just froze there.. n' you KNOWS tha cart was just errored or something, so I turned it off n' on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da same thang happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I tried pressin A n' Start over n' over, n' all of tha buttons. Eventually, tha logo vanished n' there was a funky-ass black screen fo' bout five seconds. Suddenly, rather than goin ta tha usual menu screen, I was already up in tha game up in a previous saved file, which was odd as I was expectin all of these carts ta done been wiped by tha skanky battery. Either way, I wasn't complaining, as I would have chosen tha "Continue" option ta peep what tha fuck tha previous muthafucka did anyways. First off, I checked his cold-ass trainer shiznit. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. His name was just "…" - Dude didn't have much originality. I checked his thugged-out lil' flava n' apparently dat schmoooove muthafucka had 999:99 minutes put tha fuck into tha game, wit all 16 badges, 99999.9 Pokedollars, n' all 251 Pokemon on tha Pokedex. Seein as he apparently had Mew n' Celebi logged also, I be guessin he either used a Game Genie or was a straight-up hardcore Pokemon playa back then. I checked his Pokemon ta peep what tha fuck a funky-ass badass crew dat schmoooove muthafucka has. To mah surprise, I saw 5 Unowns n' a sixth Pokemon named "HURRY". I be thankin dat dis must be some wack joke by tha thug whoz ass last played dis game yo, but I decided ta check tha profilez of dem Pokemon anyways. As expected, they was different lettaz of Unown, all Level 5. I was a lil' bit shaky wit mah Unown alphabet all up in tha time yo, but I identified tha word spelled up ta be "LEAVE". As fo' tha sixth Pokemon, it turned up ta be a Cyndaquil (mind you, dis is before there was individualized Pokemon icons). Da Cyndaquil looked normal yo, but dat shiznit was Level 5 wit only 1 HP left wit only two attacks: "Leer" n' "Flash". I don't give a fuck why they named his ass "HURRY" yo, but all up in tha time, I just disregarded dat shit. Da most eerie thang was that, despite mah volume bein at max, none of tha Pokemon dat schmoooove muthafucka had holla'd they usual cries. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! Just pure silence. Havin enough of tha crew, I closed dat shit. I was parked at what tha fuck appears ta be a room inside Bellsprout Tower n' shit. But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat fo' some reason, there was no NPCs around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Even mo' eerie was dat tha "pillar" up in tha middle didn't move at all, as if just leanin on its side. There was no noize at all, n' there was no exit or ladder, or least I thought there wasn't. I strutted round fo' all dem minutes but can't seem ta find a way out. This was certainly not a room I've peeped up in tha Bellsprout Tower before. I tried checkin mah shit fo' a Escape Rope yo, but tha bag was straight-up empty. There wasn't any Wild Pokemon either. Finally, I managed ta find a ladder, which turned up ta be behind tha "pillar". Da screen turned black n' tha noize finally started playing. I had a sudden chill, as I recognize dat melody I heard ta be tha theme you hear when you listened ta tha radio all up in tha Alph Ruins where tha Unown is at. I immediately realize dat it wasn't a loadin transizzle yo, but rather I was up in a thugged-out dark room n' would need Flash. Before I took care of dat though, I immediately checked mah Pokegear ta chizzle tha radio ta suttin' mo' pleasant yo, but it turns up dat there was no Radio card, or even a Phone nor Time cards. There was only a Map card up in which Gold ("…" from earlier, n' I'ma call his ass Gold from now on) was just struttin up in a midst of black. I recall dat Cyndaquil has Flash, so I turned off mah Pokegear n' made Cyndaquil use Flash. I didn't peep any message sayin "HURRY has used Flash!" or anythang like dis shit. Da room just became lit just like that, n' I soon regretted dat shit. Da room was a cold-ass lil chillin blood-red wit a linear gray path headin south. Da ladder I used ta go up/down was not there at all. I had no chizzle but ta head south. Da screen gots darker every last muthafuckin 20 steps I made, until I finally juiced it up ta tha end, which appears ta be a sign. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I read tha sign, which holla'd "TURN BACK NOW". Suddenly, I was axed ta answer YES/NO yo, but there was no question asked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I chose YES as I do not know what tha fuck dat shiznit was asking, n' tha screen went black again, bustin a "ladder climbed" sound. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da Unown Radio noize stopped, n' up in all dem secondz was replaced wit tha not-as-creepy Poke Flute radio music. I was up in another dark room yo, but I held mah breath n' used Flash again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Suddenly, it holla'd dat "HURRY has fainted!" which was odd since I recall dat there was no status conditions like Poison on him, n' I clearly wasn't up in a funky-ass battle. I checked mah Pokemon quickly n' suddenly he no longer up in mah party. In fact, afta a lil' bit of investigating, none of mah Pokemon is there yo, but instead all replaced wit Level 10 Unown. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I did tha same thang as before n' spelled up tha Unown. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. My fuckin then crew of Unown spelled "HEDIED". Either way, afta dat creepy chizzle, tha room was lit ta reveal mah dirty ass up in a straight-up lil' small-ass room dat appears ta be only four squares big. Da wallz of dat room was gray bricks, as if I was inside suttin' dat was hollowed out. Outside dat room appears ta be a funky-ass bunch of graves similar ta tha ones up in Pokemon Red/Blue. Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I strutted round dat lil' small-ass room n' pressed A but not a god damn thang happened. I've already concluded dat dis was clearly a jacked game n' some sadistic fuck sold it ta GameStop. But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat mah curiositizzle kept me going. I checked tha trainer flava of "…" again n' again n' again only ta smoke up dat tha sprite of Gold was missin his thugged-out arms yo. Dude also seems ta step tha fuck up less smug yo, but rather seems mo' fucked up n' empty up in a way dat I do not know how tha fuck ta describe. For some reason, it also now holla'd dat dat schmoooove muthafucka has 24 badges, which was clearly impossible. After all dem minutez of aimless wondering, mah character suddenly spun n' did tha Escape Rope spinnin animation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Instead of flyin up though, mah character spun downwardz slowly, as if sinking. After dat screen, tha noize stopped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! After finally landing, tha overworld sprite of Gold is coloured differently now, nahmeean, biatch? Instead of tha usual red colour da ruffneck dons, he appears straight-up white now, includin his skin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. It aint nuthin but as if his schmoooove ass came straight from tha colorless Game Boy game placed tha fuck into a cold-ass lil colored background of tha Gameboy Color. I checked his thugged-out lil' profile, n' now, while now be as white as his overworld sprite, he lost his hairy-ass legs n' has what tha fuck appears ta be bloody tears from his wild lil' fuckin eyes. Well shiiiit, it also say he now has 32 badges, which now starts ta disturb me as dis chizzle of number seems ta represent suttin' blingin. I also checked mah Pokemon, which dis time gotz nuff 5 Unowns n' a Level 100 Celebi without a nickname. Da Unown is dis time Leveled 15 n' spelled up "DYING". I checked tha Celebiz profile. Dat shiznit was a shiny Celebi, except there be a only half of tha sprite. One leg, one arm, one eye. Well shiiiit, it only has one attack: "Perish Song". Da area I was up in itself was tha Sprout Tower wit tha immobile pillar as before, except every last muthafuckin thang be apparently red now, nahmeean, biatch? I strutted uptown fo' what tha fuck felt like forever n' shit. Eventually, I finally encountered some generic pimps n' dem hoes NPC. They was all lined up ta tha side just facin tha long slantish pillar up in tha middle. They was also white, n' not a god damn thang happens when I try ta drop a rhyme ta em. I kept on goin uptown until eventually tha pillar finally appears chopped off, wit a transparent Red up in dat spot. I went up ta Red n' without even pressin A, I was suddenly engaged n' finally up in a funky-ass battle. Da noize starts again, which it soundz like tha Unown Radio noize again yo, but played backwards. Goldz battle backsprite matches his wild lil' front one wit tha bloody eyes, white skin, n' lack of arms, while Redz sprite was tha same ol' dirty as before up in GSC, except transparent. Da text simply holla'd "wants ta battle!" as if dat schmoooove muthafucka has no name, n' both of our asses only have one Pokemon each, which is weird as I swore I had six wit tha Unowns. My fuckin shiny Celebi came out, conveniently wit half-a-sprite fo' tha back sprite also. Da "Shiny" noise n' animation was different, as tha soundz it made sound like multiple "Screech" attacks used consecutively. Red busted up a seemingly aiiight thug Pikachu, except he is Level 255 n' his sprite seems fucked up n' has tears up in his wild lil' fuckin eyes. Rather than tha usual "FIGHT/ITEM/PKMN/RUN" menu, I was only given tha option ta use tha Attacks. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Since Celebi only has one, I chose dat shit. Naturally, since Pikachu was Level 255, da thug went first. "PIKACHU used CURSE!", lowerin his Speed n' increasin his other Stats, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. I aint even shizzle if Pikachu could use Curse. "CELEBI used PERISH SONG!" In three turns, both Pokemon git KO'd - not like I gots a cold-ass lil chizzle. At dis point, it didn't even go back ta tha Fight menu, as tha battle just continued without mah dirty ass fo' realz. Also note dat there was no animations at all fo' some reason. "PIKACHU used FLAIL!", which didn't do much damage despite his Level n' boost as his game was maxed. "CELEBI used Perish Song!" Nothang happens as dat shiznit was already used. "PIKACHU used FRUSTRATION!", which did a shit-ton of damage, knockin Celebi down ta less than 10 HP. "CELEBI used Pain Split!", which surprised mah crazy ass as Celebi didn't even have dat battle up in tha straight-up original gangsta place. Now Celebi n' Pikachu have bout 150 HP. "PIKACHU used MEAN LOOK!" Not like dat did anything. As expected, cuz of tha effectz of Perish Song, mah Celebi fainted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Except up in tha text, it holla'd "CELEBI has died!" n' instead of tha ordinary drop off tha screen animation, tha CELEBI backsprite just vanished. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! For some reason, tha Pikachu was still up even wit Perish Song n' it didn't count as mah loss. Pikachu used one mo' different battle beyond tha 5 battle limit: "PIKACHU used DESTINY BOND!" Afterwards, it holla'd "PIKACHU has died!", wit a slow fade-out animation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. Apparently, I was tha balla, as tha transparent Red Sprite flossed up n' holla'd ".........." At dat point, I just freaked out, as dat transparent Red sprite was suddenly beheaded, leavin not a god damn thang but his cold-ass transparent body. Da battle then ended at dat point n' faded up along wit tha music. I be back up in tha overworld, wit another chizzle ta tha Gold sprite - he now as transparent as Redz overworld sprite. I quickly checked Goldz profile, where dis time tha only thang remainz of his ass is his head, wit a transparent skin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da head was zoomed up in a funky-ass bit, showin a funky-ass black void up in his wild lil' fuckin eyes. Well shiiiit, it now stated dat he now has 40 badges. I then backed up n' checked mah Pokemon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They was all Level 20 Shiny Unown, which when spelled out, read "NOMORE". I was at what tha fuck I now know is next ta tha end yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'. There was apparently no noize playin yo, but fo' some reason I still felt like suttin' was there dat could be heard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I was back up in mah room up in New Bark Hood. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Maybe finally I git ta play dis game properly yo, but whoz ass is I kidding. I knew dat sadistic fuck must have done something. I "walked" round mah room ta interact wit thangs, as I be a lil' bit afraid ta go down tha stairs ta peep what tha fuck was awaitin down there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Note I holla'd "walked", as while tha background was moving, Gold was not movin his cold-ass transparent limbs at all while bustin so, just floatin like dem pimps you peep up in Diamond/Pearl. As expected, tha radio, computer, n' TV did not work, so I had no chizzle but ta go down tha stairs. I ended up in tha same lower level room of mah house. Everythang appears normal, except momma aint home fo' realz. After failin ta interact wit anythang up in dis room, I decided ta go outside. To mah surprise, dat door leadin outside all up in tha downtown didn't work, n' instead I just strutt straight all up in it ta a void. I continued movin downtown ta peep what tha fuck tha fuck was goin on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. My fuckin doggy den vanishes as I head downtown tha fuck into tha void. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dat shiznit was creepy as when I entered tha void, tha outline on Goldz transparent sprite turned white ta contrast wit tha pitch black. Eventually, I reached a white area n' Goldz sprite turned black n' transparent again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I continued downtown without thankin of stoppin at all. After a long-ass trek south, I finally encountered something. Dat shiznit was GOLDz regular sprite. I talked ta it yo. Dude holla'd "Dope bye forever ...." (notably wit a space inbetween tha forever n' ....), n' vanished. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! As dat happened, it holla'd "??, biatch? used NIGHTMARE" which at dat point, I would not deny dat bein possible. Gold did another Escape Rope animation spinnin slowly downwardz like before. I be now back tha fuck into dat lil' small-ass hollowed-out room surrounded by graves earlier n' shit. Or at least I say I was back there, as there be a no sprite no mo'. I tried ta strutt round but not a god damn thang moved - not even wall bumpin noise. I checked mah trainer flava wit straight-up no Gold sprite left. Well shiiiit, it holla'd I have 0 badges n' all tha picturez of tha Johto Gym Leadaz all up in tha bottom was replaced wit skulls. I checked mah Pokemon, which was all Level 25 Unown. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. As expected, it spelled up a phrase dat I dared ta read: "IMDEAD". As soon as I went back ta tha overworld, tha room I supposedly was up in was then covered wit tha same blocks as tha walls. I then figured up what tha fuck exactly dat room was when tha final text was holla'd: "R.I.P. ..." That room was a funky-ass big-ass grave, surrounded by other graves. Gold has already been dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude took a dirt nap presumably all dem muthafuckin years afta da ruffneck defeated Red. Dude was a lil' trainer who, despite his wild lil' fuckin efforts up in collectin all kindsa muthafuckin badges n' attempts at becomin a Pokemon master, was still unable ta avoid tha inevitable fate of dirtnap, n' his wild lil' fuckin efforts was eventually forgotten by tha next generation. I was unable ta escape from dat text no matter what tha fuck I pressed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I tried resettin tha game, n' tha same thang happened, at which I then finally decided ta give up on dat wack nightmare. After dat experience, I aint NEVER gonna peep tha "gimmick" Unown tha same way again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They say dat only tha straight-up original gangsta generation have folk talez n' legendz yo, but tha second generation have shown me how tha fuck unpleasant tha real deal can be. I eventually enjoyed SoulSilver immensely yo, but I still can't unthink what tha fuck dat rigged game has holla'd at mah dirty ass.